So very much in so little time, Dr. Freeman

Okay, so I can't believe I actually did all this since a week and a half ago but I broke up with my boyfriend and told my best friend that I'm breaking off the relationship with my more charmless friend, and she was shocked because she thought it would always be the three of us, but she didn't know about ANYTHING the other friend had been doing to me, and understood why I was doing it after I told her about it. I also renovated my bedroom, which now has a lovely desk and I cleared out my closet which has become a proper witch's closet, broom, hat, cauldron and all. I'm also storing all my art supplies in there, lol. It's a BIG closet. Anyways, I just thought I should update this blog, even if nobody is reading it or anything, because, well, I guess it's more or less of a diary now. It's tons more easier to type crap out than to write it, anyways. Plus I can add pictures!

Oh, I also came up with a great new little side plot for one of my books, but I suppose I should be writing that in my OTHER blog.

I start school again tomorrow, and I guess I'm more or less grudgingly accepting it. I'm really looking foreword to my photography class, and my sculpture class, and also my creative writing class. Sheesh, I took so many electives though that I have no lunch period this year, but my English teacher last year assured us he'd let us eat in the creative writing class that I'm starting tomorrow, so I hope it's towards the middle of the day or else I'm gonna be really hungry. :/

Well, I guess I'll write a whole bunch tomorrow, in which, btw, I'm going to have to confront my -evil- friend, which should be interesting because we'll have tons of classes together. Could be crazy tomorrow. Oh well. Live for today, right?

Later, -Carling

Hey bitch

So there's this girl who used to be my friend, except after taking abuse for years and years and years I decided to break it off with her. She was being an egotistical bitch and always put me down, and I finally decided to say screw you! I deserve better friends than you!

I'd gotten pissed at her for the head-games she played with me at summer camp, and I'd given her one more chance but she blew it and only reminded me why I hate people like her. True friends don't try to dominate the relationship and turn you into their worshipper. And so, I just wanted to say...


After all you put me through
You'd think I'd despise you
But in the end
I wanna thank you 'cause you made that much stronger

Well I thought I knew you, thinkin' that you were true
Guess I, I couldn't trust called your bluff time is up
'Cause I've had enough
You were there by my side, always down for the ride
But your joy ride just came down in flames
'Cause your greed sold me out of shame, mhm

After all of the stealing and cheating you probably think that
I hold resentment for you
But uh uh, oh no, you're wrong
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do, I wouldn't know
Just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Never, saw it coming
All of, your backstabbing
Just so, you could cash in
On a good thing before I realized your game
I heard, you're going around
Playing, the victim now
But don't, even begin
Feeling I'm the one to blame
'Cause you dug your own grave, uh huh

After all of the fights and the lies
Yes you wanted to harm me but that won't work anymore
Uh, no more, oh no, it's over
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now, and never back down
So I wanna say thank you

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

How could this girl I thought I knew
Turn out to be unjust so cruel
Could only see the good in you
Pretended to not to see the truth
You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself
Through living in denial
But in the end you'll see
YOU WON'T STOP ME

I am a fighter and I
I ain't goin' stop
There is no turning back
I've had enough

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter


Thought I would forget, but I
I remember
Cause I remember
I remember

Thought I would forget, but I
I remember
Cause I remember
I remember

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

P.S. Bitch I hate you

-You know who

Films you desperately need to see.

I'm not going to bother even trying to explain how impossibly awesome these movies are, because you'll understand why if you watch them anyways. So here you go, a little 'to do' list for the rest of your summer that I know you're frantically trying to pack as much fun into as possible. Oh, clips or posters included, lol. 'Cause I love you. ...And I'm bored.

Donnie Darko

Watchmen

V for Vendetta

Ironman

Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail

Waking Life

Love Will Tear Us Apart

I guess this one goes out to my boyfriend... I really do love you, it's just not our time, babe


Love Will Tear Us Apart- Fall Out Boy

When routine bites hard
and ambitions are low
And resentment rides high
but emotions won't grow
And we're changing our ways,
taking different roads

Love, love will tear us apart again
And love, love will tear us apart again
Love, love will tear us apart again
Love, love will tear us apart again

Why is this bedroom so cold?
Turned away on your side.
Is my timing that flawed,
our respect runs so dry?
Yet there's still this appeal
That we've kept through our lives

Love, love will tear us apart again
Love, love will tear us apart again
And love, love will tear us apart again
Love, love will tear us apart again

Do you cry out in your sleep?
All my feelings exposed.
Get a taste in my mouth
As desperation takes hold
Is it something so good
Just can't function no more?

When love, love will tear us apart again
Love, love will tear us apart again
And love, love will tear us apart again
Love, love will tear us apart again

Love, love will tear us apart again
Love, love will tear us apart again
Love, love will tear us apart again

How Soon is Now

I am the son and the heir
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I'm the son and heir
Of nothing in particular

You shut your mouth,
how can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does

I am the son and the heir
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I'm the son and heir
Of nothing in particular

You shut your mouth,
how can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does

There's a club, if you'd like to go
You could meet someone who really loves you
So you go, and you stand on your own
and you leave on your own
And you go home, and you cry and you want to die

When you say it's gonna happen 'now'
When exactly do you mean?
See, I've already waited too long
And all my hope is gone

Someday
Not one in particular

Flagpole Sitta

Flagpole Sitta-Harvey Danger

I had visions, I was in them
I was looking into the mirror
to see a little bit clearer
the rottenness and evil in me

fingertips have memories
mine can't forget the curves of your body
and when I feel a bit naughty
I run it up the flagpole and see who salutes
(but no one ever does)

I'm not sick but I'm not well
and I'm so hot cause I'm in hell

been around the world and found
that only stupid people are breeding
the cretins cloning and feeding
and I don't even own a tv

put me in the hospital for nerves
and then they had to commit me
you told them all i was crazy
they cut off my legs now I'm an amputee, god damn you

I'm not sick but I'm not well
and I'm so hot cause I'm in hell
I'm not sick but I'm not well
and it's a sin to live so well

I wanna publish zines
and rage against machines
I wanna pierce my tongue
it doesn't hurt, it feels fine
the trivial sublime
i'd like to turn off time
and kill my mind
you kill my mind

paranoia paranoia
everybody's coming to get me
just say you never met me
I'm running underground with the moles, digging holes
hear the voices in my head
i swear to god it sounds like they're snoring
but if you're bored then you're boring
the agony and the irony, they're killing me

I'm not sick but I'm not well
and I'm so hot cause I'm in hell
I'm not sick but I'm not well
and it's a sin to live this well.

My name.

Oh, by the way, I suppose I've done all this ranting and I haven't even properly introduced myself yet! How rude of me, yes? Sorry!

My bloggername- Carling Beldon Raff- It's an alias, of course. Can't have people from my school finding this, now can I? Nor my friends nor especially nor my boyfriend.

Anyways, the name is comprised of three old english names. (I love old english!)

Carling means 'hill wehre old women or witches gather'

Beldon means 'beautiful pasture, child of the unspoiled glen

Raff means 'wolf, wise counsel'

I also have other alias' and a pen name and even a nickname... but I can't list them or else, well, how am I supposed to remain anonymous?

Anyways, thanks for listening to all my ranting so far. *embarressed smile*

Got the going back to school blues?

I do too... I'm definitely not looking forward to it... but hey, at least I'm going to have my drivers permit by then...! Not that I could drive a car to school even if I wanted to, but I guess it's something.

I'm just not really excited about seeing the same people again and again every day (most of which barely acknoledge my existence). It just gets old. It also gets annoying, once people start spreading rumors about you that don't ever seem to go away... I've got some nasty ones about me too. Apparently some people think I'm stuck up and that's why I don't usually talk to people out of my immediate freind circle (which is so infintessimally small it's not even funny; it's rather sad actually). Also there's one about me being a lesbian. Not true! My boyfriend can attest to that. People just assume that I like girls because they never see me with any guys in school. Why you ask? They're all completely immature. That's why I ended up dating a guy four years older than me, and even then he's still a bit immature at times. Suffice to say, he already graduated high school so he's never around me during the day. *boo* That's why people think I'm a lesbian. Also because one of my former frie-I mean leeches, who shall go unnamed tagged along with me so much people thought we were...*shiver* dating. Bleck. So now I have all these retarded rumors floating around my head for no good reason. At least I have my art to carry me through, eh? Even though I'm one of the best artists at my high school nobody seems to know I even like art. Weird, huh? I know...I don't get it either. I do have to admit I get a sort of rush every time somebody looks over my desk and says "Oh my god, did you draw that...!?". It's not really enough to get me through general adversity unscathed, though. ...Pity.

I also have this guy who keeps stalking me at school. The worst part is, we were in classes together since pre-school and I can remember him doing some pretty horrible stuff, but he doesn't remember me at all, and fell hopelessly in love with me last year. As I said before, I already have a boyfriend #1, #2, I don't really like him...plus he's not excatly adonnis if you get my drift. *Takes sharp inhalation of air and sighs* WHY is it that only the crazy people stalk me? Why can't I get stalked by a hot guy for once!? (Yup, I've been stalked before, too. Creepy, eh?) Anyways, I hope he forgot about me over the summer. I'd hate to break his little heart, y'know?

So remember how in school there was always that one guy who you were madly in love with but he had no clue you even existed? Same here. Sort of. He says hi to me in the halls and everything, but he's a year older than me and not in any of my classes, so I almost never see him. *cry* And I know, I know, I already have a boyfriend, so I shouldn't even be thinking about other guys, but... but... curse him! Why must he be so hot!? He's an artist like me, too, and he even plays the sax and takes french. Holy crap, right? I've known him since 6th grade... and I've crushed on him since then too. He's always been my 'what if' guy, and I've tried really hard to get him to notice me a bit more, but nothing seems to work out. It's like fate hates me. *boo* I love my boyfriend to death, but there's just something about my 'what if' guy that he doesn't have... and I get this feeling around him like metal drawn to a magnet. I guess I started going out with my current boyfriend because he's just...always been there, y'know? And we share tragic pasts (family matters gone awry). But I have this feeling it can't go on much longer... he, meanwhile, is obsessed with me in a great way, and the nicest guy I've ever met, but I just can't see me marrying him, and if I can't see that then why am I with him? I think he was always just a really, really good friend. ...With kissing. I don't know how I can break a heart made of gold! It' just so hard. I've thought about breaking up with him for half a year already but I just can't seem to do it! And he's clueless about how I feel. When I'm with him it's like, "I love you!" And when I'm alone it's like, "...but do I really?". Anyways, the whole situation is horrible. It's like one man presents a stable, fun relationship, and the other offers a whole new exciting world with all these awesome possibilities, and I guess one could say my relationship with my boyfriend has gotton stale, but only on my half of the biscuit, hear me? *headdesk*

So school.

Yeah.

Not looking forward to it.

For all you witches out there...

So as all you witches druids and neo-pagans out there already know, the next sabbat up is Mabon (Autumn Equinox, 2nd Harvest, September 21st), so I was surfing the web and came up with these great pages for you guys.

http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Parthenon/7039/AshlinCB.html - this is a great site for recipes and general Sabbat/esbat/seasonal information. Mmm... Fresh Apple Poundcake...

http://www.wicca.com/celtic/akasha/index0.htm - another great site for all the sabbats and esbats, with recipes, activities, and information on the rituals as well.

http://www.unc.edu/~reddeer/recipe/rec_mabon.html - more recipe goodness for you all- I'm not quite sure what Cock-a-Leekie soup is, but it sounds interesting, and hey! They tell you how to make dandelion wine in here!

http://photobucket.com/images/mabon/ - here are some great pictures to get you in the mood to celebrate the harvest and you can even put them on your page!

The Anthem

The Anthem- Good Charlotte


(Yeah, here we go)
It's a new day, but it all feels old
It's a good life, that's what I'm told
But everything, it all just feels the same

At my high school, it felt more to me
Like a jail cell, a penitentiary
My time spent there, it only made me see

That I don't ever wanna be like you
I don't wanna do the things you do
I'm never gonna heed the words you say
and I don't ever wanna,
I don't ever wanna be
You...don't wanna be just like you

Oh what I'm sayin' is this is the anthem,
throw all your hands up, you...
don't wanna be you

Go to college, a university,
get a real job,
That's what they said to me
But I could never live the way they want

I'm gonna get by, and just do my time,
out of step while,
they all get in line
I'm just a minor threat so pay no mind

Do you really wanna be like them,
do you really wanna be another trend?
Do you wanna be part of that crowd?
'cause I don't ever wanna, I don't ever wanna be
You...don't wanna be just like you
Oh what I'm sayin' is this is the anthem throw all your hands up,
you, don't wanna be you

Shake it once, that's fine
Shake it twice, that's okay
Shake it three times, you're playing with yourself, again.

You...don't wanna be just like you

What I'm sayin' is this is the anthem
throw all your hands up,
Y'all got to feel me, sing if you're with me,
you, don't wannabe just like you (just like you)

This is the anthem throw all your hands up,
y'all got to feel me, sing if you're with me

Another loser anthem (whoa-oh)
Another loser anthem (whoa-oh)
Another loser anthem (whoa-oh)
Another loser anthem

'Ello mates...

Hey there... I guess this blog, though I have others, is about getting a fresh start. I'm not quite sure what I want to do with it yet, but that's the fun of it, right?

I will however, be posting things about Wicca, and some personal issues for ventings sake, however; any person in my blogs will go nameless. I've been blogged about before in a nasty sort of way and I, unlike said nameless person, refuse to hurt people via the internet. If you're going to hurt people, hurt them in your thoughts; better to follow the Wiccan rede and Harm Ye None.

Anyways, I guess this blog's going to get pretty random at times, knowing myself. I'll probably be posting song lyrics and other such things so... it'll be interesting, I suppose. Anyways, best not to overload the first post. I hope you all enjoy this.

Merry part, blessed be!